Wanderings of a Castaway
by luna-magic-2005
Summary: Sequel to The Sound of Jasmine. Without a memory, with barely a hope, a young boy reaches out to find the only man who will bring a smile to his mothers face. A wanderer, after all, can only wander so long.
1. At Last

Standard disclaimer applies.

OH MY GOD! I'M ACTUALLY COMING OUT WITH A FRIGGIN' SEQUEL!

I know, I know, very shocking. Shall we continue?

There is, let's say, a sort of intrigue going on. I am going to be writing in the first persons POV, as I had in **_The Sound of Jasmine_**, and it will be completely up to you to figure it out who the person is that is narrating the chapters. Can you do it? Well, read the story and make a few suggestions, but might I say I doubt you guys will figure it out... (That's my 'hint hint' by the way)

Oh, and for those of you who have not yet read **_The Sound of Jasmine_**, I suggest that you do. This isn't one of those 'can't understand the second story if you haven't read the first story' type deal, but I'm sure a lot of **this** story will make more sense if you read the first one.

Anyways. Without much ado, here it is!

**Wanderings of a Castaway**

**Chapter One: At Last**

**By: Luna**

Dear Diary,

I usually never write in such things as a journal or diary, but for some reason, as doubts and fears and memories wash over me, I feel the ever growing need for some way to preserve my thoughts, my feelings, my memories; to make them last; to make them matter.

Oh, I know they will always matter to me. I will never forget them, even when I am old and gray and possibly still alone.

I will always remember the day I came alive; when those amber eyes of a lonely demon met mine from across a crowded tavern, and my heart was stolen at a glance. I'll always remember the almost... shyness of his actions around me, how he only smiled with those eyes of his, and maybe once with his lips...

I'll always remember that last night I spent with him, when the stars fell out of heaven and landed in my heart when he touched me. How the world seemed to still and crystallize in that one perfect moment when he kissed me, and how he whispered he loved me – not with his mouth, but with his heart, in that moment in time when we became one.

No, I'll never forget it. I'll never forget _him_.

Even now, I can't bear to say his name. It hurts too much, and then I feel too much.

When the house burnt down, and I had started to ride away with Sanosuke towards Tokyo... I felt the most horrible sense of foreboding, as if Fate were telling me to go back, go back. And then I was pulling at Sanosuke, crying, screaming, and murmuring: go back, go back...

But he wouldn't listen. He kept silent, riding forward and not saying a word to me, all those many weeks we spent on the rode. What if Kenshin came back to look for me? What if he saw that I wasn't there; that I hadn't waited for him like I told him I would? It'd break his heart.

But still, Sanosuke wouldn't listen. He'd just look at me, his eyes unusually hard, and tell me that the chances of Kenshin making it alive out of the war – especially with his profession – the chances were slim to none, and he wouldn't leave me for the world to fend for myself, even though I've been doing it since I was but a little girl. But...

What he said was true – Kenshin in all likely hood would _not_ make it through the war – but my heart believed differently, and so I believed differently. I believed in Kenshin. He'd come back to me, I knew he would. I _know_ he will. Sanosuke could talk all he wanted, and he could lecture all he wanted about how I should forget about the man who had stolen my heart and had yet to give it back to me. But I won't listen to him. And I won't forget _him_, either.

We arrived in Tokyo at what must have been the last, coldest day of winter. Or maybe just the beginning, but I didn't like it. It was lacking something; something solid and substantial, and I didn't need the ache in my heart to remind me just _whom_ it was missing.

Kenshin. Dear God, Kenshin.

Where are you? Are you hurt? Are you safe? Are you thinking of me? Are you looking for me? I wish I could drive these thoughts out of my head and stop my heart from hurting, but I can't. All wounds need time to heal, and mine were freshly dealt. I needed time. Time to at least let them scab, then scar, so the reminder would never leave me.

Sanosuke didn't want me staying with him, for one because he was almost never home, second because with him gone I would be staying in his house all alone, and Tokyo was much more dangerous than what Namazu had been, and thirdly, because though my reputation in Namazu had not been sterling, he told me that I would not stay at his house like a mistress.

His choice of where I _did_ stay, however, had _not_ been any better.

I was to stay at a Geisha House in the Red Light district. He told me that though the house was, in nearly every sense of the word, a house of ill repute, geisha houses were one of the most protective. In my biased opinion, I think it was only protected so their girls won't run away.

The Mother was not, in my estimation, a nice woman, but she was letting me stay under her roof while Sanosuke paid for my room and board – and I, for one, had never heard of such an arrangement. To stay in such a place like a tenant and not sell my body like the rest of the girls... Sanosuke must be paying a hefty price indeed, and I wonder if such a thing is necessary. I care not a wit about my reputation, and it's not as if I stand out enough for people to actually take notice of me. If anything, staying in his house with the pretense of being a mistress was better than staying in a house and pretending I _was_ a geisha.

But the girls here are... nice. They don't hide the fact that they are jealous with my arrangement, but they don't go out of their way to make me uncomfortable or do me physical damage, like I suspect most are very capable of doing. It took me awhile. I didn't like what they did, and I didn't like who they were, and I didn't appreciate being there.

But I did learn.

I learned how to defend myself when or if a male ever tried to do me physical harm or hurt me just for the pleasure of it. I learned how to play music, how to dance, and, my favorite, how to pick locks and pockets. Not surprisingly, that was a skill many girls here excelled at.

And then I learned their rules.

Their first rule: Never fall in love. It only led to disaster, as I've seen with my very eyes. The Mother pressed hot irons on girls' toes, again and again and again, because she knew her socks would cover the scars. Never fall in love, she said, because then it only put ideas in young girls heads and made them do rash things, most cases with the girl committing suicide because the customer who favored her never went through with his promise. That action lost money for the Mother, and that made her displeased and ill tempered.

Men didn't marry women like these. If anything, they bought the girls from the Mother and made them their personal whores.

Sanosuke told me I shouldn't think like that. He told me that they had no choice, that they were sold into what they were doing, and that some men really do love and marry the girls, and that I should try to like them, that I should respect them, even a tiniest bit, for what they go through every day; every night.

I do feel sad for their situation. I do feel that something better should be offered to them. Life is hard, and though some of the girls do prefer to stay in the House and be fed with a roof over their head instead of starving to death in the streets, I feel these girls should have a choice whether to leave or not. Whether to sell their bodies or not.

Maybe it was just because I never experienced what they had. Maybe it was because I have given myself but once to the only man I will ever share my body with again, and so I _cannot_ understand. But at the moment, I care not at all that I can't summon enough warmth in this heart of mine too weighed down by grief to make a half hearted attempt at kindness.

I didn't like what they did, and I don't respect what they do.

Like them, I do not.

* * *

_Excerpt from the diary of Kamiya Kaoru, 1866.

* * *

Here, our story begins, seven years into the Meiji Era, year 1874..._

Silently, I watched the moving crowd shifting and moving and shaping constantly, nothing but the buildings standing still and unchanging. Something was tugging at me; tugging at my heart and telling my head that what I had been searching for all these many months was here, and in my grasp.

So I watched, a habit that I've had since the moment I figured out that I could speak for myself and act for myself, and learned the habits of the crowd and the gestures of the people, taking in their accents and their speech patterns and committing both to memory. I never let my gaze rest on one individual, for they were not what I was searching for.

I was just about to give up. I was feeling that twisting sort of helplessness that had started to form months ago every time I felt I wouldn't succeed. It twisted inside of me, churning in my chest and poisoning my mind with doubts. I was never going to find Him. I was never going to know why His face was imprinted on my mind, sketched, drawn, and painted only by the words that were described to me. Never knowing why that damned man meant so much to me when half of my life was grown up hating His very existence.

If He hadn't come along, my Mother would be happy. My brother and I wouldn't exist, to be sure, but Mother wouldn't have that sad and quiet haunting pain in her eyes, and she would smile more. If I never found Him, I would never understand why a woman such as my Mother would care for Him. If I never found Him, I'd never know why or understand why I myself would care for Him when I have never even met Him before in my life.

Was it because He was my father? Was it because, in some dark and hidden recess in my mind, I had drawn Him myself into a hero that I could look up to? That I _yearned_ to look up to? Even though He had left my mother, did I still want to view His murderous self as some God to a boy who had nothing else to believe in? I wonder.

But then I saw Him.

He was the dark shadow that washed slowly over the bright, moving crowd, and though it could have just been me, the noise of the people dimmed a bit as a darkness they couldn't quiet ignore seeped into their bones and chilled their souls to the point of mind numbing fear. That was what I felt. Or maybe it was just the fear of finally finding the object of my obsession and being afraid to actually reach out and touch what I had thought was impossible for me to obtain.

He was just like the image painted in my mind. A stranger, yet not a stranger, forging His path out of a past unknown to me; a past forged by the darkness and the utter loneliness and sorrow that was marked in His sad, cold, yellow eyes.

He was a symbol to me, sliding through the crowd like a serpent with its slithering grace. Yet His presence was more beautiful than that of a snake. He was graceful and breathtaking, like a person's first face-to-face visit with a wild, seeking tiger. Breathless with fear. Breathless with wonder. His presence hit me like a physical blow, and I nearly staggered against the weight of my relief mixed in with my fear. This was my Father, I told myself. I need not fear of Him.

But I did, and I nearly turned tail and ran back to the people I left at home.

But I couldn't. I had to see this mission of mine complete, if only to see a smile that held no lingering sadness. I couldn't let down the beloved person I had left behind on my quest to make our small family's happiness complete.

I watched Him from my perch high in the alley I was hidden in. His swords along His side, a stark reminder of what He was or had been, along with a small wrapped package. His dark blue gi was worn and looked to have been ripped apart and patched back together several times, and the hems of His hakama were threadbare.

Keeping my eyes on Him, I moved from my post in the shadows and crept towards Him on silent feet; the years of needing to tread softly had been engraved in me, and were a part of me that couldn't fade away with time. I stood directly in His path, waiting for that dark aura to wash over me in an icy caress.

I wondered what His reaction to me is going to be. I had disguised myself, of course, but there was always a lingering chance that He remembered my Mother and would see her traits in me. The shape of my eyes, maybe, or even the curve of my lips. There were many ways to disguise myself, of which most I took, but there _was_ always a chance. I wasn't sure which one, out of my brother and I, resembled Him more, but I wished to the Gods that it was my Brother. Mother commented on it once, so it must be so. I hope.

When a shadow fell over me, I knew He had stopped mere feet away. I kept my head down, my burning eyes glued to the ground and my lips pressed tight together, repressing the shivers of rage and fear that threatened to break loose. Gathering up my courage, I raised my chin slowly to look Him in the eyes.

He was not a very large man, but He wasn't that small, either. Even with His small stature, He dominated the area easily. He loomed over me with the darkness of a fallen angel, looking down that straight nose and simply staring at me with calm, cold, and frighteningly blank amber eyes of the demon He was known to be. I studied His face, for the first time seeing much of me, and that somehow helped dissolve some of the hard knot of fear lodged in my belly.

He was slim, though you would never have guessed by the tan hakama and the dark indigo blue of His gi draped over His form, somehow making Him seem larger than what He was. His hair was that deep, blood red my mother had always told us about, held high upon His head by a blue ribbon.

His lips were full and sensuous; His cheekbones high and smooth, the hideous cross-shaped scar on His cheek the only thing marring the beauty of His face. His eyes were narrowed and darkly lashed, and the frightening beauty of the man went past my ability to comprehend, and for a moment I could only stare up at Him dumbly, struck motionless by His presence.

When He went to move around me, I snapped out of it and pivoted on my heel. "Wait!"

But He wasn't there. He completely disappeared, and people were staring at me so strangely that I had to wonder if He had ever been there in the first place, and if my desperate mind conjured the image of the man I so desperately wanted to find. I walked off to the dark alley I had been in before and slumped against the wall. I knew I shouldn't let my disappointment overwhelm me, and so I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin as I prepared to once again look for the apparition that would make my family complete.

And froze when the icy hot touch of steel rested lightly against my neck.

I felt it then, that dark, smooth, gentle caress of fear that stopped me from trying to escape. He was here. I felt it in the way the air shifted and the way my mind reacted. The assailant spoke; a smooth, honeyed voiced that was filled with as much warmth as the snow a top Mt. Fuji. It was a low silken, oddly caressing and dangerously repulsive as the words slid over my skin. How could my mother ever had stood listening to this mans voice? It was smooth, yet hard. Deadly, yet oddly seductive. And I listened, utterly fascinated at the gentle sound, at the quiet command in His voice that demanded He be obeyed.

"What do you want, boy?" He seemed to whisper, yet His voice lacked that whispery sound. His voice was just low and... void. "I asked you a question. Why were you seeking me?"

Just to see you. "To find answers." Was my automatic response. "To know the truth." To know _you_.

This time, the barest thread of amusement laced His voice. "And you think you can find your answers with me?"

I dared to turn my head to the side and look at Him from over my shoulder. "You're the only one who has them." The only one who can give them.

Shivering, I forced myself not to look away when His hard eyes suddenly sharpened, his firm mouth suddenly tightened, and He took a step towards me. I kept my eyes to His as He searched my face, and I stiffened when I caught recognition in His eyes. Does He recognize me? After all these years, does He recognize the face of the woman He was said to have loved once in mine?

Holding His gaze, I felt an almost physical blow to my heart when an expression of such sorrow and misery banked in His eyes before disappearing, and I felt the blade slide off my skin with just the barest whisper of touch.

"Go home, boy. I travel with no one."

When He started to turn, against my better judgment I ran to His side and touched His hand. Mother always said I was impulsive. "But you did once! You did stay with someone once!"

I froze underneath the sudden molten look of amber flame scorching me, and I started to shiver uncontrollably. "What did you say?" My Father hissed. "Speak!"

I took a step back. "I-I'm not telling. Not unless you let me come with you."

He stared down at me for what seemed like an eternity, his face blank and his eyes terrifying in their intensity. Then... He sighed. "If you fall behind, you'll get left behind. If you get lost, I won't search for you. If you die, I won't mourn for you or contact anybody. Is that understood?"

I nodded, quick to agree with almost anything He said, and scrambled after Him when He started to walk away. I stared at His back, watching the graceful glide of each step, strained to hear every footfall even though I knew I wouldn't be able to. I watched the tail of His hair swing back and forth, breathed in deeply whenever the wind picked up those long locks and brought His scent of sandalwood and something else that I couldn't quite name. I wanted to take in everything about Him. I wanted to learn everything about Him. I wanted to love everything about Him. And...

I wanted to see in Him what my mother fell in love with all those years ago.

But then something else caught my attention, and I gave a shout as I ran ahead of Him to stand underneath the cherry trees just beginning to bloom. I yanked the tie that had been holding my hair up in a similar style like my Fathers, and laughed when the wind picked up the strands and brought with it the faint scent of blooming blossoms. I looked over my shoulder at Him and gave a small, stupid smile, not noticing the way He froze staring at me.

"My mother would love to see this. We wanted to travel to Hiroshima to go see the blossoms fall there, but the tickets were too expensive in Tokyo." I winced, not meaning to give away where we lived.

"Come on, boy, I'm not waiting." His voice sounded a bit hoarse, but it could have just been my imagination.

I ran after Him, feeling my old self start to emerge the more my confidence grew around Him. "My name isn't Boy! It's – ah, it's Sakajo!"

Kenshin was quiet for a moment before He spoke, and I stared at His back with a sulky expression. "Why would your mother wish to see the cherry blossoms?"

I shrugged, not seeing any harm in divulging a few facts about her. It was what I had planned to do all along, after all. Give little secret facts about my mother and brother – about myself too, until He was nearly caught up with all the things He missed.

"She said that something special came to her while at cherry trees." My brow furrowed as I frowned, placing my thumb and forefinger on my chin as I thought. "Or maybe she said that something special happened by cherry trees."

I shrugged again, smiling. "But you get the picture. She said that something special always happened to her underneath the blossoms of the cherry trees. Said that me and my brother – we're twins, by the way, were born underneath them, and we took our first steps underneath them, and... Well, again, you get the picture. Cool things happen."

He was frozen again, and I wondered if I had said too much. All well. He would find out soon enough, I suppose. "So, where are we going?"

Staring down at me, with those lonely eyes of His, I felt a sort of twisting; hard, quick, and painful, around my heart, and I wondered what it was exactly that made a man such as He so sad. I also wondered what it was exactly that made Him stare at me in such an odd, confused way, fear flickering up at the thought of him finding out my secret too soon.

But then He moved on, and I had to run to catch up with Him and my questions left to be answered some other day, when He liked me just a little bit more. But He hadn't answered my question, so I asked again. "Where are we going?"

He didn't even turn His head towards me when he spoke, his calm, determined voice hard, and... hopeful? He was so complicated; so mysterious, and I wonder how or if mother ever understood him. She must have though, because she loved him. Loved him enough to be haunted by him still.

When I heard his answer, I felt myself go cold, wondering.

"We're going to Tokyo."

* * *

_Okay, I admit that it took me_ forever and a day to get the first chapter out, but hopefully it was well satisfying. 

Can any of you guess who the person narrating is? Actually, as I read through it, I get the feeling that you can very acutely guess who it is... but _I'm_ not telling until the end! And before you start calling out names, the person is NOT what one might automatically guess.

Here are some REVIEW REPLIES from _The Sound of Jasmine_'s last chapter, so if the people who read the first story are reading this one too, well, here's a reply to it! Lol...

**Kiwi-San****  
**

Here's the Sequel! Is it up to snuff?

**Mad-4-Manga****  
**

Hmmm, does Kaoru have a baby... no? Ha ha, can you guess who it is?

**Remini  
**

Aw, geez, you're gonna make me cry. Thank you for your review! It really helped move me along in writing this, and I hope this one is better than even the first story.

**HimuraLover#1  
**

Thanks, Robin, for adding me as a favorite! It's music to my ears when I hear something like that.

**hime-san****  
**

Thank you

**Aya45****  
**

Do you really think it's the best? Though I absolutely love you for saying that, I personally didn't like _The Sound of Jasmine_ very much. I've read so much better, and I don't think I'm very popular either to be considered part of the best. But now you're _my_ absolute BEST for saying that! I hope you like this story too!

**ash211****  
**

Thank you! I wanted to write something moving and heartfelt, and I'm so happy that others feel that way too.

**FFX2player****  
**

Was the wait worth it? I certainly hope so.

**Scarlet Rayne****  
**

MIND! Heck no I don't mind being added to your C2... um, I'm a little rusty here, so please tell me if there is anything specific I'm supposed to do when being added… How do you like this chapter? Honest opinion, please.

**kalasin  
**

Thanks, I was hoping it would be a genuine fic, a story line that hasn't been tried before. Nowadays, probably not, but I like to think so!

**Spriggan****  
**

Well, thank you m' dear. I hope the way I develop my characters in this fic near perfect too... or as perfect as I think I can get it...

**oogabooga  
**

Hehehe...

**Gypsy-chan**

Thanks – you should know by now that out of a whole bunch of people I like on this stupid site, your opinion really is one that matters. Kenshin left that night because the war wasn't over, and he still had a job to do. And being Kenshin, don't you think that he would rather leave in the middle of the night than leave in the morning and watch the person he loved cry? He had a duty to do, and as the saying goes, Duty Calls...

**Crystal Winds  
**

Hehe, thanks dearie. Did you know that I didn't think I was writing a very sad story when I first started writing this? Nope, I had no idea until, like, the third chapter when someone told me how sad it was. But I agree with you one hundred percent – I totally dig sad, angsty stories... so I guess it was just natural that I kind of wrote one, huh?

**burntsilent  
**

Will a reunion take place? Hmmm… find out on the next episode of…. WANDERINGS OF A CASTAWAY! (That'sa mouthful, isn't it?)

**battosaichick-  
**

Well, if you liked this ending, you'll definitely like the ending to this story! Haha, just kidding.

**Just call me Blue  
**

Thanks for reviewing! I hope you didn't think the wait was too long...

**Lady Dark Angel  
**

You know, if I had a buck every time someone told me my story was sad, well, I'd be hundrenair. But thanks! lol

**Kanzen ne Tsuki  
**

Yes, yes, I'm evil… haha, thanks Tsuki-san! Truthfully, I like your stories better than mine. As I was reading over _The Sound of Jasmine_... you know, I just don't like it.

**kik-ting  
**

Was TSJ really the first RR you've ever read...? Wow.

**PandaSong  
**

Thanks, Sin, for reviewing! I do agree with you though. Most of the time, I just surf through the site for authors that I KNOW are good (probably bad of me) but even when I don't do that, there are a lot of stories that just sound so... bad. I don't think half the people out there realize that if you put a good summary up, people will want to read the story more if they hadn't.

I cant tell you how... annoyed, I guess I could say, when I read some summary that says something like "Kaoru is sad CUZ Kenshin left her and, like, something happens in the end." Some stories really DO attract people even with a summary like that, don't get me wrong, but in my opinion I think that if someone wrote out a summary like, "Weighed down by guilt, Kenshin leaves Kaoru to do (insert something or other) and thinks himself unworthy. Kaoru, through all her pain and rage, tells how she gets through the misery in the only way she knew how..." Well, you get the picture. Sorry to lecture you...

I do that a lot. Next time I write a reply to you, don't be surprised when all you read is Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah...

**Julie Mae  
**

I'm sorry if I made you cry! Truly! But you'll like this ending, I swear!

**Monkeystarz  
**

You just crack me up, you know that? I'm SO glad you've stuck with me this far...

Well, technically, I wont know if you've stuck with me this far unless you review this chapter. And since you like me SO MUCH I just KNOW you'll review... wont you? Hahaha, of course you will... holds a threatening axe while grinning evilly...

**BLONDE GOTH  
**

I hope you don't mind me asking but... are you in High School? Well, let me tell you, college doesn't get any better...

**NARGIEGIRL21  
**

Was it a good chapter? I hope I kept it up!

**XxSilentxDreamerxX  
**

You weren't blunt! Believe me, I've seen blunt, and you weren't blunt... I don't think. Sorry, weird mood.

**gwkitty**

Really? Thanks! I'm happy now!

**Inuchic515  
**

Thanks, that was what I was aiming for. Sometimes I read things that don't really go into a person's thoughts or feelings, and I wanted the readers (you) to really get an inside feel about their thoughts and feelings. So I'm definitely glad you think I did that!

* * *

_You know the drill, folks!_ Read, review, tell me how totally AWESOME I am, and wait and read the next installment. 

Love you all!

Luna

_**PREVIEW FOR NEXT CHAPTER...**_

I asked him to talk, and I couldn't believe that now he finally was. As I stood there, watching, watching him while he stood there with eyes that burned at the spot where a house once stood, then ashes, and now... nothing but grass and an old tree someone must have hacked at with an axe or saw or sword. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered where we were. I wondered when he would speak.

His fists were clenched, his head bowed, and if he could, I was convinced he would have cried. Speak, I urged softly. And then he did.

"Once upon a time, I loved a girl named..."

* * *

Adieu! 


	2. A Hurting Heart's Reprieve

Standard disclaimer applies.

For those of you who have been wondering, no I did not fall off the face of the earth. I joined the Navy, went to boot camp, went to a two week prep school, had a fifteen day leave, and spent a whapping two weeks at my command in DCwhen I got orders sending me to Afghanistan, where I am still at, by the way. I've been out of the writing loop for a while, so if this chapter isn't exactly what you've been hoping, all well. Hopefully when I find time I'll write an even better chapter for you all.

Oh by the way, disregard that last chapter's preview for this one. The chapter that I was working on is on my computerin Montana, and since I'm currently in Afghanistan, I had to start from scratch. It's been so long since I started on any story, that I'm not sure if this one will be any good, but hopefully you all will like it. So be gentle, please.

Warnings: If I offend anybody with what I'm putting as Kaoru's thoughts about geisha's, please know that I'm putting her in ignorance and she has no idea what life outside her world is like.

**Wanderings of a Castaway**

**Chapter Two: When Your Father Speaks, You Listen**

**By: Luna**

_Dear Diary,_

_I was so foolish. I thought that I'd be able to drown his memory out of my mind with the countless chores that seemed to be needed to be done around the House, but I was wrong. Even if my mind cleared, my heart was still wracked with memories. _

_I remembered everything that had happened all those weeks ago. The first night I spotted him in the tavern, and the other when I could have let him go but didn't. How stupid I was for thinking that if I only understood my feelings for him, I'd be able to let go. _

_So what was I supposed to do now? Sit in this house of ill repute, watching as these females flit from one party to another, taking to bed with them whoever caught their fancy? That was what geisha's do, isn't it? Since it isn't like me to cast judgment so quickly, I told myself I will learn as much as I could, so any judgment I come to will be justified, at least to me._

_But it was hard, so much harder than I thought, to survive on my own without anybody after having Kenshin around. And, not only was my confidence already in the dirt, but I was gaining weight, too, and I think I know why._

_I was horrified. Was I pregnant? How could I have a baby with no one to take care of us? I don't want to raise my child in a house like this. I don't want him to grow up thinking all women were this malicious and competitive. _

_These women hid their feelings behind that white mask of theirs, hiding her face from the world so no one would think that they'd do anything to survive in a world where their families sold them away to be at the mercy of Mother._

_In a way, I suppose I admire them for their fierceness. I would, and would never be, that brave._

_I shuddered to think what life with a child would be like._

* * *

_Excerpt from the diary of Kamiya Kaoru, 1866.

* * *

__Seven years into the Meiji Era, year 1874..._

He was such an aggravating man. One minute he was tolerating my annoying nature, and the next he was yelling at me to shut up followed by threats of throwing me in the river we were trailing. I don't think he'd really do it--the water was moving so fast I'd be swept away and drowned by the time he found it in him to care.

I found I enjoyed messing around with him, even though I know I should be on my best behavior and try to make him like me. So far, I don't think I'm doing a very good job in that area.

It was depressing. I hoped that while we were heading towards Tokyo he'd show me at least a glimpse of kindness, or evena little bit of humanity. What on earth had my mother seen in him? He was so cold and unyielding. He never smiled, never laughed, and for that matter, never really spoke unless it was to tell me to shut up.

I wanted him to like me. A small part of me needed him to. Why should I have come all this way just for a man who didn't have a heart to love me or my mother in the first place? Still, I watched his every waking move. I watched the way he never did anything without thinking things through; how even the way he folded his sleeping blanket with slow deliberation.

He made me catch my own meals, and made me cook them too, but I didn't mind. I didn't spend all my months searching for him eating at restaurants. I didn't have enough money for that. I learned as much from him as I could by observation. It wasn't as if he was going to come out and show me, and learning by observation was just as good as if he spoke to me.

For one, he always had what he most cared for held close to him while he slept. That carefully wrapped parcel he always carried was held close to his chest, and his swords were barely a foot away from his hands. He never traveled on busy roads, and always seemed to prefer to travel on dirt paths or trails where people wouldn't normally go, and therefore wouldn't notice him.

I wished he would speak with me. I wanted to hear his voice, no matter what it took, besides the repeated reprimand. _Why won't you look at me? _I wanted to ask that question so many times my heart ached with holding the question in.

"Boy."

That was annoying. He never called me by the name I gave him. "What is it?"

"Watch your step. We're crossing this bridge here, and it's unstable." And the river really was rushing quite fast too.

Why was he warning me? He never bothered to before. I shrugged mentally. "Alright."

I watched his back as he walked across the bridge slowly. The bridge seemed fine to me. I frowned fiercely as I stared at the wooden structure. I never liked bridges, especially old ones. I think that's a trait I picked up from my mother. When my father successfully crossed the bridge, I held my breath and closed my eyes and walked as fast as my legs could carry me without breaking out into a full run.

But...

The wood seemed to be bowing under my small weight, unlike what happened with my father. When I heard the telltale sign of the wood groaning, I stopped, terrified, and looked at my fathers face in doomed surprise as the wood gave out underneath me. A small part of my brain registered the look that almost could be called panic reach my fathers eyes before I fell into the water and was swept under.

The last thing I remember thinking was how strange it was that you could only gauge what he was thinking by the look in his eyes, and that wasn't such an easy feat...

* * *

I woke up feeling cold. I was shivering so badly my teeth clicked together so hard I could have sworn my teeth would be chipped by the time I became warm again. I wanted to rub my arms, but I couldn't. I hurt too much to be wanting to move. This cold I felt was unlike anything else. It was as if the shiver came from the very center of me, all around my chest and my heart and moved throughout my entire body.

I felt something warm being draped over me, and it seemed that was the only prompting my arms needed, for suddenly I was grabbing the blanket desperately, wanting to hide in its heat and run away from the cold that was wracking my body.

When I felt someone place something ice cold on my forehead, I panicked, wanting to throw it away. Something held me back. I wanted to fight it, but I was so cold and tired. It was so much easier to just fall out from reality and drift in my consciousness than face whatever reality I was in.

_------_

I looked down at the sleeping child, feeling my heart constrict. It was painful, being in his presence. His hair was a deep auburn, and his face was so much like my own I knew the Gods were taking pleasure in this torture. Because some twisted part of me insisted that he looked like _her_.

I closed my eyes, torturing myself a little bit further when I conjured her image in my mind. The sun would be glowing down on her soft, pale skin, and her eyes would be liquid warmth as they stared up at my own, and her fingertips would be the light caress of a feather tracing the line of my jaw...

Looking down at the boy again, I could see her in him. The arch of the eyebrow, the curve of his lips, and the smile that would go along with it whenever he found pleasure in the things that surrounded us.

This hurt. It hurt so badly to remember her face, and be haunted by it even after all these years. I should have moved on by now. I shouldn't have let this pain drain my soul from the life that she herself put in me. I didn't want to be hollow.

Taking the cool rag from his brow, I dipped it once more in the small bowl of water, taking time to wring it out so water wouldn't dribble in his eyes as I wiped the sweat from his face.

When he started thrashing, I tried holding down his arms so he wouldn't injure himself. But when he started to thrash his legs just as badly, I sighed and sat cross-legged, pulling him into my lap and cradling him like a child with the intent of securing him to me so I'd be able to hold his legs down too.

He quieted without another word. "Sakajo?"

He seemed confused. His eyebrows puckered up and he frowned. When he opened his eyes, he looked through me, the light amethyst glazed over with fever. "Who's that?"

"You."

He shook his head, confused. "No it's not. I'm Kenji."

I stopped, considered. "Oh? And who is Kenji?"

"I'm Kenji, I'm Kenji!" He started yelling, trying to push out of my arms. "And I'm here for my Mama! You can't stop me!"

I hushed him silently, watching as he went still just as suddenly as started thrashing. I leaned in close, whispering. "And what does your mother want?"

"You." He said softly, "You're all she ever wants..."

I said nothing, surprised and confused by what he just revealed. "What do you mean?"

But he said nothing, already having fallen asleep deep enough not be woken by my whispering. I brushed his bangs away from his forehead gently, and then softly lay him down on the blanket I laid out for him, watching over him while he slept.

--------

He stayed sick for a lot longer than I thought. When I was ill, it usually went away within a day or two. This was lasting more than a week, and I think it was getting worse. Every night I held him close to my body to soak up my body heat, and I bathed his body with cool water to try and steal his fever of its heat.

I didn't want to admit even to myself that I was worried. More worried than I wanted to be. I missed his annoying nature; always peppering me with questions he knew I wouldn't answer. Even though I really hated to admit it, I missed him bugging me. It was nice to have some noise surrounding you after being used to quiet for so long. It reminded me that for now, someone didn't think I was so much of a monster to seem to want my company.

Two more days passed with the steadiness of a snail, and he wasn't getting better. How can this be? He only had a quick dunk in the river, and I pulled him out as quickly as I could. Even though I dreaded it, I had to take him to a doctor. I knew there was a close town near by, but I wasn't sure if they had a doctor. If they didn't, I don't know what I'd do.

He was my charge. I told him I wouldn't care for him, but I lied. I seemed to need his company, and that confused me. It wasn't that I needed his company. Or at least, I don't think that's the reason. I wasn't lonely. I'm _never_ lonely. I never allow myself to be.

When he groaned, his boyish face flushed with fever, as gently as I could I lifted him in my arms, holding him tightly so that if he thrashed I wouldn't drop him. My swords, wrapped in silk, were secured by my side. I put my precious gift in his lap, and when I watched him hold it tightly to his chest, I was satisfied he wouldn't drop it.

I started running.

* * *

"_Wake up, little Kenji. Wake up."_

_Slowly, I opened my eyes, everything a little blurry. While I waited for my eyes to focus, I breathed in deeply the smell of jasmine. I loved that smell—it was the greatest smell in the world to me. _

_Once my eyes focused, I found myself sitting on the deck of our home in Tokyo, a run down dojo that my mother inherited from an old swords instructor. I loved it. We kept good care of it, and we all had received free lessons before the old man died. I looked to my right, and my eyes watered when I saw my beautiful mother sitting beside me in a silk kimono of shimmering violet with black dragons swirling around the hems, edging around her black obi. Her hair was up in a bun high atop her head, held by a violet ribbon. _

_She turned her head, smiling at me. "Well hello, my little Kenji. Are you enjoying your nap?"_

"_Mama?" I whispered. "Why are you here?"_

"_Because you needed me, darling. Tell me, why are you worrying your father so? He needs you with him." She reached out and brushed my bangs away from my forehead, smiling when all they did was fall back in place. _

_I shook my head, knowing it wasn't true. "No, he doesn't. He needs you. All he's ever wanted was you. I'm just a nuisance."_

_Her blue eyes softened, and when she opened her arms, I couldn't move fast enough to get inside them. I've been gone along time from home, and I missed her. I felt her lips brush the top of my head, and her soft whisper brushed up against my ear. "You're wrong. Now wake up, Kenji. Someone's calling you."_

* * *

My body jolted awake, and I sat up quickly, looking for Mother. My eyes fell upon a young woman with dark chestnut hair and soft brown eyes. She had freckles and dimples when she smiled. "Good morning, young Kenji. I'm glad you're awake, for your father has been worried about you."

I panicked, wondering how they knew my name. I licked my lips, my mouth dry and throat sore. The young lady offered me a cup of cool water, of which I gratefully accepted. "What happened?"

"You fell into the river about a mile and a half from here. Your father carried you here last night. He was very worried."

I doubted that. "Where is he?"

She hesitated. I wondered the reason for it while I waited for her to answer. Instead, she said, "Do you know where you are, young Kenji?"

"No."

"This town is called Numazu. Did you know your father visited here a long time ago?" She asked, watching me closely.

"He's not my father."

She ignored me. "Seven years ago, he came here and met your mother."

My eyes widened in surprise. Mother always said that she met my father in a small village between Kyoto and Tokyo, but I didn't think we had been this close to Tokyo. I panicked, but didn't know why. "How do you know he's my father? He doesn't even know yet."

"Your mother has kept in touch with me throughout all these years. She told me who you were looking for, and I already knew who your father was. When he came here the other night with a young boy nearly identical to himself, I knew who you were. That package he carries around is something Kaoru left for him." She looked past me, as if seeing beyond what was now.

I hesitated, wanting to know more but afraid to ask. I stared down at my hands, waiting to see if she would continue. I was relieved when she did. "He was so withdrawn, so despaired. I was scared of him, even then, but I had to give him Kaoru's gift. It was the least I could do."

"He thought she died, you see. Burnt down and buried along with the ashes of her house." Another girl came in, dropping of a tray of food before leaving.

The young woman placed the tray in my lap before continuing. "I was so scared of him. Whenever he came around, my throat closed up and I couldn't speak. All I could do was give him her present. He would have known who it was from. He left without knowing she was still alive, or where she went to." She directed her dark brown eyes to me. "I will tell him where she is. If you don't wish me to tell him about you, I won't. But it's not right to keep something so precious away from him."

I nodded, my throat tight. He probably knew anyway.

"My name is Kasane. Please call for me if you need anything." She left after my muttered thank you.

I finished my breakfast quickly, wanting to find my father before she did. That wish was in vain though, for when I finally found them in the back garden, they were sipping tea.

I slipped closer in an attempt to hear them.

"It's nice to see your doing well, Battousai-san." Kasane murmured, keeping her eyes downcast.

"I don't go by that name anymore." My fathers voice was just as smooth and quiet as when he spoke to me, but their was just a hint of familiar warmth that made me envious. "My name is Himura Kenshin."

"Himura-san, then. Have you been very busy all these years?" Her voice was light, but she kept her back very erect and rigid. She was still afraid of him.

I was in awe. The fear my father struck in people's hearts was amazing. It was a twisted point of view, but I couldn't help it. Would I be as strong as him someday? To the point where only my name be mentioned to make people speak more quietly, more reverently, and more fearfully than his? He was the strongest. One of the only legendary swordsmen that could still have a claim to life.

"Hai. I've been given the opportunity to have discovered a great portion of Japan." He took a sip of tea, his yellow eyes watching Kasane dispassionately. "The years have been good to you. I take it no hardships have happened?"

"No. When the war ended, military officials and other characters stop watching this place as closely as they had been, believing you to be dead. When you disappeared after the war, no one knew what happened. Everyone just assumed you had died in the last battle you were known to be in."

When my father's eyes slid past her to where I was hiding, I knew he had known I was there all along. I jutted my chin out and stubbornly stayed put. A rush of pleasure filled me when I saw a small smile grace my fathers face.

"I know where she is, Himura-san." Her voice wavered when his eyes sharpened and narrowed on her.

"What did you say?" He hissed, slamming down the tea cup by his knee, sloshing tea over the sides.

Kasane flinched. "She writes me every now and then."

"Where is she? Tell me what happened." My father demanded, his fists clenched upon his folded knees.

"She was at work when the house burned down. Her male companion, I'm afraid I don't remember his name, took her to Tokyo. She lives in a dojo given to her by its former master who took a liking to her." She hesitated, swallowing visibly. "She has two sons. Twins."

My father stared at her for a long time. Minutes went by slowly, no reaction shown in my father's eyes for the longest time. Finally, pain, so stark and raw my own heart almost broke just witnessing it.

"She's alive?" He whispered it so softly, so painfully; I had to look away from watching him. "And she has children?"

"She never stopped loving you, Himura-san. Not once. She's always waited for you." Kasane sounded desperate. I knew she was reacting to the pain in his eyes. Why wasn't she explaining? Was she aware that she was letting him jump to the conclusion that mother had chosen somebody else?

"So long that she had children without me?" A lot was revealed in that statement. Kasane was mucking up the situation. When Kasane said nothing, I couldn't hold myself back, running out towards them with grief in my heart.

"That's not right! She did wait for you! She's _always_ waited for you! It's you! You're the father to her children! You're the father of _me_!"

* * *

Well? Now that I've actually started writing, I've decided that this is going to be a very short story. In all actuality, this story will only last about two more chapters.

But how was it? I haven't written anything in about a year, so hopefully I'm not too rusty. Please, tell me what you think!

Tootles!

Luna


	3. Dont turn away from me

Standard disclaimer applies.

I'M BACK FROM AFGHANISTAN!!!!!!! WHOOO HOOOOO!!!

_**I LOVE AMERICA!**_

For those of you who have never left the beloved U.S. of A, DON'T EVER LEAVE! You'll miss it like crazy. I'm finally back from overseas, so I'm going to try and finish this story while I still have the will to write it now.

I don't know how you'll like it, I have been out of touch with it for over a year and I've forgotten any plans that I've previously had for it, so I hope it turns out all right.

Again, like always, please review. Heart and soul of the author, I swear.

_**Wanderings of a Castaway**_

_**Chapter Three: Don't turn away from me**_

_**By: Luna**_

_Dear Diary, _

_How could I have ever dreaded having children? How horrible I was. My two darlings; my two baby boys. They are my life now. In the absence of Kenshin, perhaps I have smothered them too much, but I wanted so badly to somehow give them all the extra loving that they would have gotten if their father was here. _

_That's not something bad to want to give to your children. Loving, I think, can never be too much. Only the wrong kind of loving can do that. Five years, and I think I've done all right. They are so strong, so beautiful. Yahiko, who barely looks like either of us with his dark brown hair and eyes, and Kenji, who looks too much like Kenshin. _

_I'm glad they are here with me. _

_Sakajo__-sama has been very kind. He has let me live with him this past year, and I'm grateful. My children were picking up bad habits at Mothers, and though I am grateful for her support, I will not let my children be grown in that house. Good seeds grow there, I know, but bad ones do too. _

_It's so peaceful here. Sakajo-sama lets the harmony here soothe me, just as he himself does. He listens to me; he talks to me and doesn't treat me inferior. What a good man he is. He'd make a good husband to a very lucky girl._

_In my loneliness, I sometimes wish it were me._

_Kenshin, I hope you appreciate how devoted I am to you._

_Flowers bloom, grass grows, his students learn swordsmanship and grow into men... and I, in my selfishness, am standing fast. My poor children. They do not deserve a mother such as myself, who can no longer move with time; who waits everyday for a man who might never show up. How selfish- how horrible- I am. _

_My poor, poor children. Am I enough for you? _

* * *

_Excerpt from the diary of Kamiya Kaoru, 1869. _

_

* * *

_

_Seven years into the Meiji Era, year 1874... _

_"That's not right! She did wait for you! She's _always_ waited for you! It's you! You're the father to her children! You're the father of _me_!"_

The silence in the courtyard was deafening. Kasane kept her rigid back away from me, probably terrified by the wild look on my fathers face. He stayed where he was, his body vibrating tension. My throat closed up, and the uncertainty and fear hurt my chest with its sudden pressure.

"What did you say?" his voice was low, dark.

I swallowed. "That's why... that's why I wanted to find you. She's sad all the time. She tries to hide it, but it's always there." I swallowed again, painfully this time. "We weren't enough for her. She needs you to come back."

He stared at me for the longest time before abruptly standing and walked towards me, then past. I followed even though I wasn't sure if he wanted me to. He walked around the building before opening up to an empty room. He slammed the shoji doors shut. Blaming it on my age, I hesitantly creaked it open just a crack, my eyes widening when I saw my father sitting with his shoulders slumped and head bowed.

His eyes were closed, and no emotion appeared on his face, but his defeated position made my stomach feel weird. Was I wrong all this time, thinking he had abandoned her—and me, all those years ago? I wanted to understand what it was exactly that made my mother so sad every year when the cherry blossoms fell, what it was that drove my father to such a desolate position.

Kenshin Himura, the infamous Hitokiri Battousai, defeated by a woman he hasn't seen in nearly eight years.

I didn't really understand, but I knew all those months ago that I had to leave to find him. As much as my mother smiles, and as much as she tries to hide it, her eyes are always shadowed.

I was not enough for her. My brother was not enough for her.

Mother... will you be satisfied after all these years? Will you love me more if I bring your happiness back?

I moved away from the door, burdened, misunderstanding, and hurt. I found Kasane still sitting in the garden sipping tea. She filled an extra cup full and passed it to me when I sat beside her. I looked up at her, thinking her very pretty with her wavy black hair and brown eyes, and wondered if she had the same thing my mother and father had.

Looking down, I stared at the steam running up from the tea, a little surprised when I felt a gentle hand brushing my hair away from my face. Looking up, I blushed a little at the warm smile Kasane gave me. She wrapped her arms around me and cradled me gently. Giving in, I sniffled, letting a few tears fall.

I did it. I finally found my father, he knows who I am, and we're going home to mother. Why wasn't I happy? Why wasn't I celebrating my victory after all these months? As Kasane continued to stroke my hair, she started whispering.

"Don't be disheartened, little Kenji, by things you don't understand. Battousai—your father, is a hard man to interpret. In a time of war, he found a small measure of peace with your mother, and she freely gave him all she had."

I listened, my tea forgotten by my knees as I snuggled down to rest my head on her knees. I used to sit with mother like this…

"He gave her happiness, taught her things that she otherwise wouldn't have understood. Love, forgiveness, friendship..." she trailed off a moment, her hand still idly stroking my hair. "He is all she had ever come to know. Every day was for him. Every breath was for him."

She looked down, her brown eyes soft with sympathy. "But don't start thinking that she doesn't love you. When she left here all those years ago, she told me how hard life was living at a geisha house, what horrors the Mother put her girls through if they didn't do what she said."

"Kenji, when she found out she was pregnant... joy could be heard through her writing. She was so happy, so rejoiced, that you and your brother had come into her life. She loves you desperately. She has since the moment you were born, and she hasn't stopped yet. A mother's love for her children is something not many can breach. She would leave Kenshin for good if it meant keeping you safe and happy. Yes, she would." She said sternly when I looked at her with a dubious stare. "She would give up anything for her children. Despite her love for Kenshin, that is exactly what she would do."

"Don't hate her, little Kenji, for loving Kenshin. She can love you too just as much."

I didn't hate her. How could I? Didn't I come all this way just for her? Haven't I been looking for my father all this time just so she could smile again? I wasn't... I didn't hate her. I couldn't.

"Tell me honestly. How happy is your mother? How happy is Kaoru?"

I remembered when I last saw her, laughing at Yahiko as she hit him over the head with a bokken. They had been chasing each other around the yard while I was sitting on the deck watching, and I remembered... but no, she wasn't happy then, I could tell.

She smiled all the time, laughed at Sano's courting attempts of a young female doctor named Megumi. She wore vibrant kimonos, made herself look pretty everyday. I always thought that it was because she thought that maybe father would just show up one day after all this time and say, "Honey, I'm home!" or whatever stupid sayings that fathers are supposed to say. Sano says it all the time whenever he comes over to snag a free meal, so I assumed that was what they did.

As I thought over how to answer Kasane, I realized one thing out of all my memories. It was me, not my mother, who was always watching on the sidelines. Something twisted in my heart as I realized this. Had it always been me that was never satisfied? Has it always been me who never thought it was enough? That my _mother_ wasn't enough?

I cried again when I realized this, and I cried harder when I realized mother must have always known, and that's why she looked at me with shadows in her eyes.

I... I'm such a horrible person.

"It's alright, Kenji-chan. You'll be home soon enough."

Later that day, my father and I were ready to leave. He borrowed a horse from Kasane's stables and promised to return with it. She said it didn't matter, that it was a gift, but I knew that she was still afraid of him and didn't want him coming back. Father must have known that, because he didn't argue.

It must be a little sad being who he was, having people fear him. Maybe that was what drew him to mother; Kasane said she held no fear of him. It was still awe inspiring, however, that just a name could frighten people so. And a name talked about and dreaded over creates an even deeper fear of the man himself.

I rode behind him, my body jolted at the brutal pace, but I didn't complain. I wanted to see my mother. I didn't really think about it too much over the course of three months, but I wanted to go home. I missed her and Yahiko.

Would she accept my apology? Is being selfish and unsatisfied at what she gave worth an apology? I thought so. And I think Kasane did too. Over a jolt, I held onto my father a bit more tighter around the waist, using the excuse just to hold him since I didn't think he'd permit it any other time.

He didn't say anything, so I just held on tighter and pressed my face into his back, hoping my tears wouldn't soak into his shirt.

------------------------------------------

Okay, one more chapter to go. I'm not as thrilled with this story as I used to be, since I'm pretty sure that I was still living off the euphoria of completing **The Sound of Jasmine** that I thought writing this story would be easy, but at least I'm getting determined to finish it.

I was going to leave it discontinued, but I like **The Sound of Jasmine **too much to just throw away a possible happy ending since I had such a good rapport with other authors and reviewers who read my story from the beginning to the end and who looked forward to the sequel.

To those, who I hope you know who you are, I am SO sorry if this story's a disappointment. I took a break from it from nearly a year since I was deployed to Afghanistan and now that I'm back, I couldn't exactly remember how I wanted it to turn out.

I am going to do my BEST to make the next (and final) chapter one you will ALL enjoy. Until next time...

Luna

* * *

ps, please please **please** remember to review. 


	4. Welcom Home

Standard disclaimer applies.

Last and final installment in the short "Series" of Kenshin and Kaoru. I was going to have three stories all together. One with Ken/Kao, the second Kenshin's struggle during the eight years separation, and then the third of them finally getting together. But then I got deployed and I didnt have anytime to think about it, and then after a while during my deployment I just forgot entirely. It wasnt until I got back and checked my "fanfic" email and I read all the support I was getting that I tried to start it up again. So if it's not up to snuff, sorry, but after a year long break original ideas tend to slip from the mind.

Enjoy!

_**Wanderings of a Castaway**_

_**Chapter Four: Welcome home, Kenshin**_

_**By: Luna**_

* * *

_Dear Diary, _

_I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my selfishness, my greediness, and my spoiled heart. I have punished myself and my children for not being able to move on from someone that I'm beginning to believe has already moved on from me. I haven't heard anything except the rumor that the Hitokiri Battousai was killed, and I'm starting to believe it._

_I should have accepted something like that years ago. I couldn't just let go. I just couldn't. Kenshin, you had been everything to me. When we parted, I was alone and afraid and I didn't have anything. Then I gave birth, and my children were everything. I know love was what kept me clinging to the memory of you all these years, hoping against all facts and reality that you were alive, that you would somehow come back to me. _

_Just like it's love now, Kenshin, that's making it possible for me to let you go._

_It's not fair to the children; me holding just a little bit back and taking myself everyday to the train station, or to the boat yard, hoping that I'll see your achingly familiar form make your way towards me. It's not as if I don't love our children the way that are meant to be loved, for I'd give my life for them if it ever came to that. It's just that..._

_Mou, I can't explain. It's hard even to write this down on paper. _

_I love you, Kenshin. I always have. I always will. But even so... Goodbye._

* * *

_Excerpt from the diary of Kamiya Kaoru, 1873.

* * *

_

_Seven years into the Meiji Era, year 1874... _

The fire crackled quietly, its flames dancing light on my fathers face, making his amber eyes glow. I didn't bother to pretend I wasn't staring at him; he probably knew all the other times anyways. I just wished I knew what he was thinking. Why wouldn't he look at me? I cleared my throat a couple of times, and when he didn't say anything or so much as blink, I started talking anyways.

"Are you mad at me?" Wait, that wasn't what I wanted to say...

I waited, holding my breath, as his gaze slowly lifted from the flames to my face. He seemed to take in every detail, every curve; my cheek, my nose, the arch of my eyes, my hair now free of dye and shimmering red in the fire. Finally, he looked me directly in the eyes, emotions I couldn't decipher swirling in eyes no longer quite as cold.

He sighed a little and seemed to deflate. Taking that as an invitation, I scrambled to the other side of the fire. A little bit too eager, I scooted quickly and sat a little too close to him. I couldn't help it. This was my father, and he finally knows who I am and hopefully accepted me. He didn't shift away, so I relaxed, my arms wrapping around my knees and my chin resting on top of them.

"I'm not angry at you." He said slowly, as if choosing his words very carefully. "Surprised. In a good way. I'm glad something good could come from me."

Surprised, I looked up at him. He was frowning into the flames again, not looking at me. He must have felt my stare, for he turned his head a little and looked at me. "I'm not a good person," he started. "Your mother was the only good thing that wanted to stay in my company."

I think he wanted to say more, but perhaps that was too personal. We're still strangers, after all. He started speaking again, and I listened intently even though I was sure he was talking to himself, merely thinking out loud. "I was afraid I'd break her. The whole time I was with her, I thought I'd break her. She was so delicate. I didn't want to hurt her more than she already had been."

Was he talking about _my_ mother? My mother was the strongest woman I've ever met! She knew swordsmanship, she chased away robbers and beat up the ones that wouldn't run, and she could beat _us_ up if we did something stupid like pretend to choke on her awful cooking. She was loving and funny and not delicate at all! Even Uncle Sanosuke called her a little tomboy.

He must have noticed my incredulous expression, for a rueful look entered his eyes. "Has she much changed?"

I was tempted to lie because I had a feeling he was a little sad at how much he missed, but I found I couldn't. "Uncle Sanosuke calls her a tomboy and she beats him up for it. Sakajo-sama taught her a little bit of kendo, and she's pretty good. She doesn't cook very good, not like you, so when you see her again pretend it's really good, okay?"

When he didn't answer, I thought he was going to ignore me completely. But then he pulled a blanket up over both of us, one arm staying wrapped around my shoulder to keep me to his side. He rested his cheek on top of my head, and I decided then that I loved my father.

Instead of marveling over the realization, I snuggled closer and fell asleep smiling.

------------

I woke up the next morning rocking. Blinking my eyes open, I stared up at the clear blue sky, dotted only with a few stray clouds. I looked to the side, surprised to find that I was laying on a bunch of hay. My father was sitting next to me, one leg dangling off the end of the cart and the other drawn up, his elbow resting on his knee. I watched him for a moment, noticing that his hair was tied lower, now at the base of his neck. He was thoughtfully chewing on a piece of straw as he stared at the trail.

"Where are we?"

He glanced at me only a moment before returning his stare to the road. "We're outside of Tokyo."

He pulled both legs up and sat cross-legged, tucking his hands in his sleeves. "After we enter Tokyo, you're going to have to show me the rest of the way to your home."

"Tokyo?" I said in amazement, excitement starting to bubble up through my words. "We're already in Tokyo? All right!"

Looking amused, I watched as he smiled a little; just the smallest lifting at the corners of his mouth. I started babbling after that, too excited to see my mom and brother again after all this time to sit still. I crawled over to where my dad was so I could lean over the side of the carts railing, careful not to step on his swords. I started pointing to various places; to a few of my hideouts, where my brother and I like to play best, the mean shop owner who always chased us away thinking that we were thieves, and my mother's favorite stores.

He listened to everything, looking at every place I pointed to, and asking me questions. I was so glad he was interested that I spilled almost everything, even accidentally showing him the shop owner Yahiko pick-pocketed one time – something that not even _mom_ knew about. And she knew everything! I made him swear to me never to tell mom about it.

We hopped off the cart only a few blocks away from the house, and I nearly ran the rest of the way before I realized my dad wasn't even trying to keep up. Looking back, I cocked my head to the side and watched as he seemed to take each step with extra care, his hands once again tucked into his sleeves. What was wrong with him?

Trotting over to him, I asked, "What's wrong? Do you have something in your sandals? Do your feet hurt? Why are you walking so slow?"

He seemed to be in deep thought, however, and didn't even look at me. What on earth? He wasn't... I snorted, laughing a little as I gave his arm a little punch. "Aw, come on! You can't be _nervous_, can you? It's just mom!"

Frowning, he straightened. "I'm not nervous."

"Yes you are! You can't even keep up with me!" he continued to frown at me as I showed him the entire way back to home, letting out a whoop when I saw the back door to the dojo about fifty feet away. I ran towards it, banging on the door like a madman until it opened.

My mother, in all her fiery glory, rammed open the door with a broom over her shoulders and a fierce frown on her face. "What do you think yo—"

She gasped, dropping the broom and swooping me up in her arms. "Kenji!" she laughed, tears streaming down her face. "You stupid little kid! How could you just show up and not tell me!" she laughed again.

I hugged her tightly, feeling like I was finally home in the comfort of her arms. I admit freely, I was my mother's boy. I was so lost in my happiness I almost didn't even pay attention to what she was saying. "I missed you! And you'd never believe what has been going on here!"

I pulled away from her, leaning back so my hands could cup her cheeks, and then placing a smacking kiss on her lips. "I bet I have a better surprise for you."

"Better than you coming home? You know I really should beat you for running away and leaving a badly written note behind, but I'm just so happy to see you!"

I looked over my shoulder, the goofy grin on my face slowly fading when I witnessed my fathers frozen expression. Most wouldn't notice it, but I've watched him so closely these past few weeks that I could recognize when something came into his eyes. Was he really that scared at meeting mom again?

When I eased back down to the ground, mom was already hollering in the court yard for Yahiko, and I took the moment to go to him, tugging on his hakama like a child. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

But his eyes were frozen beyond me, and it was then that I noticed the sudden silence that fell around me. I looked back, and my mother was standing there with a mirror like expression on her face, her blue eyes impossibly wide and her lips opened in surprise.

"Kenshin?" she whispered, so soft that I had to strain to hear. At that moment Yahiko came running up behind her, ramming right into her when he couldn't stop that fast. Clutching at her violet kimono for a moment to steady himself, he let a grin split his face when he saw me.

Knowing Yahiko, he would think it unmanly to give me a hug, so I ran to him and threw my arm around his shoulder, twisting so I had him in a semi head lock to grind my fist on top his head.

We both stopped when mothers hand came to faintly rest on our shoulders, and we looked up at her to see her still looking at father, her eyes unusually glossy. "It's time to go inside boys, we have a visitor."

Yahiko looked over and instant recognition came into his eyes. Father and I looked so much alike that it was impossible to miss. Yahiko stiffened, anger and something like hate coming into his eyes. Father was staring at Yahiko also, only his expression was once again void of all emotions.

He stepped forward, bringing his topaz eyes again to mother, never leaving even when he came not even a foot away from her. "Kaoru," I heard him breathe, the name sounding so tender that I had to take a double look. Never did I think that he could sound like that.

Mother smiled, and I relaxed. Please let everything be okay, I prayed silently as they stared in wonder at each other. Please let us be a family.

Mom reached out and took his hand, leading him inside. Yahiko radiated energy, and I hoped he wouldn't ruin anything. I stayed close to him though, so relieved that I could be back by my twin that I didn't want to go anywhere else but by his side for awhile.

We settled in the family room, mother serving everyone tea. It only took about five minutes of silence before mother spoke. "Boys, please step outside for a while. There is something I want to speak to Kenshin about in private."

Yahiko glared at him until he left the room completely and when my mother wasn't looking, I caught my father's eye and gave him a thumbs up. I was rewarded with a small smile before I closed the door behind me.

--------------------

_Oh my God._

His face is so familiar to me. So beautiful; so perfect. His scar is still apparent, not faded a bit. His hair is still that beautiful shade of dark fire, glistening red in the muted light of the room. my hands trembled when I tried to serve him tea, and I had to place the pot back down or else spill it everywhere.

_Oh my God._

I grasped my elbows, bowing my head a little when I couldn't stop shaking, my joy so outstanding, my fear so blinding. I felt a touch near my forehead, and I slowly raised my head, feeling his fingertips trace down my forehead, over my brow, resting on my cheek. I smiled tremulously, my lips quivering. "Kenshin," I said, emotion overcoming me and my throat seemed to tighten.

His fingertips moved across my cheek down to the curve of my jaw, across my chin and up the other side of my face, over my brows and down the bridge of my nose, resting on my trembling lips. Tears escaped, and I was almost angry at myself from reverting back to the weak woman I was before Kenshin left. I didn't want to appear weak to him. I wanted to look strong.

I grasped his hand, pulling it away from my face and held it in my lap, unwilling to let go of contact even for a moment. I stared down at his calloused hand while I tried to think of something to say.

"It's been so long..." I looked up at him then to find him watching me, almost hungrily. "Kenshin, did you even look for me?"

When he looked away, I berated myself for not framing the question correctly. Our meeting shouldn't be based off of confrontation.

His fingers flexed, and it was only then did I realize I was squeezing his hand. I dropped his hand like it burned, but he didn't remove it from my lap. He simply rested it there. Tentatively, I held his hand again, gently this time, my eyes riveted to his face when he started speaking.

"Kaoru," he paused, as if savoring the word. "All this time... the reason why I never looked for you... I thought you were dead. The townsmen told me, and it was listed in the papers. I thought... I thought you were burned."

Closing my eyes since tears burned, I brought his hand to my cheek again, rubbing my cheek against the palm of his hand. "It's alright now, isn't it? You're here with me."

I opened my eyes and looked at him, my expression painful from trying to hold back tears. "Don't ever leave me again, Kenshin. Don't ever leave."

His other hand reached out and grasped both of mine, pulling them to his chest and over his heart as he bowed his head over them. "I won't. I promise."

"It won't be easy for awhile living here. Yahiko doesn't trust you, and he's very angry. Both of the children are jealous of you, and I'm afraid that's my fault. I've... I've never been able to let you go, Kenshin. I tried. But I was too weak; too selfish to think of the children first." I looked away, hating that I was once again fighting tears. I'm not the woman I was eight years ago! I'm stronger – _much_ stronger – than that. And I wanted to show him that. His memory of myself is as a weak, quiet young woman whom he had to protect, whom he had to love with tenderness instead of hard passion and fire. He needed to know I was different. I couldn't fully accept him back into my home until he accepts that – and my children accepted him.

It was going to be hard for him. He, who rarely allows himself to feel anything. Only behind closed doors, when it was just the two of us, did he ever open himself up to me. In these eight years, I could read in his eyes that it hasn't been like that since. Poor Kenshin. How lonely he must have been. He lost his first wife, and then a few years later he lost, essentially, his second wife. I doubt he cared for another all these years. Even the great Hitokiri Battousai needs to protect his heart from further hurt.

I remembered seeing him standing there, little Kenji looking up at him with his gentle violet eyes, worried about his father. I was going to tell him something... what was I going to say?

"Mom!" I heard Yahiko yell moments before the shoji doors slid open. He stared almost maliciously at Kenshin before he turned to me and said, "Enishi's here. He says he cant wait to give you your present."

My face paled a bit, and when I looked at Kenshin, I was almost frightened at the lack of emotion on his face. I used to always be able to tell what Kenshin was thinking... "Kenshin," I started, watching those cold eyes of his study my own for a moment.

Then he pulled his hand away.

I almost cried out at the loss of contact. Demurely, however, I folded my hands back into my lap and turned my eyes to Yahiko, watching him waver a little at the look of wrath in my eyes. Oh, he should be afraid, I thought savagely. There was no excuse for his rudeness, or his need to inflict pain on his father. He'll be feeling it in training today for sure...

Standing, I led them all outside, smiling at Enishi when I saw him standing in the courtyard. "Enishi-san, how good to see you again. How was your trip to China?"

He tossed me a dark object, and I caught it (thankfully) with ease. It was a pretty black lacquered hair comb with a beautiful design etched into it. It would match the black, silver, and violet kimono he got for me last year. It would be an insult to Kenshin, however, if I wore it without his consent. I'm considering myself his wife again, whether he likes it or not.

"I thought you'd like it. Simple, but lovely." He stopped then, and I know he spotted Kenshin lounging in the shadows like a wraith.

"Thank you, Enishi-san. It's very lovely. You remember, Kenshin, don't you?" I walked to Kenshin's side, letting him know where my loyalties lie. For the past three years since he found me here, he's been courting me most arduously, but I've always resisted. I always felt it would be an insult to Kenshin if I ever allowed myself to care for Enishi. I could have. If not love, then at least lust. And extreme like. Getting over his previous madness, he was a very likable companion, and he would have eased at least a few certain types of my aches from over the years. I've let him know, however, that nothing would ever come of it. I had a feeling, however, that he would try and give Kenshin the wrong impression just to nettle him.

I turned back to Kenshin, making it so that only he could see my face, and sent him a pleading look. I reached out and touch his hand, nearly covered by his gi since his had been crossing his arms, and I saw his face relax. Unnoticed by others, I let my fingertips caress his hand before I turned back to our guest, smile fixed firmly in place.

"Come," I said, "I was just about to prepare dinner."

The room was brimming with conflicting energy. Yahiko, strangely enough, chose to sit near Kenshin, with Kenji sitting next to me. I was sitting on Kenshin's other side, with Enishi across from us.

"So tell us, _Battousai_, what have you been doing all these years." Enishi tone seemed to be filled with mockery, as if he thought Kenshin was nothing but a joke.

Kenshin pretended to be oblivious to Enishi's tone of voice. "Wandering Japan, helping those of need."

"Why? Do you have a reason to seek atonement?" Enishi sneered.

Kenshin looked steadily at him. "Some of us find the need to."

Yahiko looked a little startled, and a little wary. Enishi continued, "Oh, I see, you want someone to forgive you for being a murderer."

"Like yourself?" Kenshin said lightly, "No, I have no need to have others forgive me. The forgiveness I seek is that which is in myself."

Enishi sneered again but stayed quiet, turning to look at Yahiko as if to share a knowing look. Yahiko was looking down, thankfully, but I felt very angered at this attempt of manipulation. Dinner was quiet after that, and I showed Kenshin a room that Kenji prepared. Enishi left, but I had the feeling that he'd be back if nothing else to needle Kenshin.

It was dark inside. Kenshin stood in the middle of the room with is back to me, and I hovered by the door. I should go, I knew I should, but I couldn't bring myself to. Breaking, I went inside. I didn't close the door, for I thought it unwise to do so. I wouldn't – shouldn't – be staying the night. But I couldn't resist going to Kenshin and embracing him from behind. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, my small, pale hands fisting in the fabric of his gi covering his chest. I pressed my body against his, my face against his back with my breath against his hair.

I felt him bow his head, his hands reaching up to curve over my own, his grip just as tight over mine. I didn't care. I needed to know that he was real, that he was really here with me. I've missed him for so long. Desires, tamped down for so many years, raged to life, but I knew I shouldn't stay with him tonight. I held on tighter, however, and rubbed my cheek against his back, tears slowly sliding down my face.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Yahiko watching us in the doorway, but his expression wasn't one of disgust or rebuke. His eyes thoughtful and his mouth frowning, he hesitated only a moment before he reached out and, slowly, he closed the door.

--

The next morning she wasn't there beside me. I sat up, slightly disoriented and panicked before I calmed myself down. This was her home I was in. She would just leave me, especially after last night. I dressed quickly and went to find her, passing by the children cleaning the yard and playing. I smiled quickly at them before passing on. There would be plenty of time to know them and love them, but right now I had to find Kaoru and see if she was alright.

"_I love you." She had whispered again and again, as if making sure I wouldn't forget. "I love you…"_

I found her outside the dojo in a field filled with cherry blossoms. They had bloomed, and soon a festival will begin to celebrate them. She stood underneath the largest tree, filled with beautiful blooms and fragrance. I knew she knew I was standing behind her, so I waited. I needed to know what she felt before I started to behave foolish or do something unwise.

"We never got to watch the cherry blossoms together, did we? The one we stood under was sleeping, waiting for spring to come and wake it up." She looked up at the blossoms above her. Her back was still towards me, so all I could see was the side profile of her face. It was serene. "You will stay with me, wont you, to see the blossoms fall? To me, that's when they are most beautiful. It makes the world look covered in pink snow."

Walking up to her, I wondered what was going on in her mind. She asked again, finally turning towards me fully. "You will stay with me, wont you?"

There were so many things to over come. My son's behavior towards me, the reason for his resentment and his apparent dislike. Enishi's subtle threatening and insinuation that Kaoru was once his, and the change that will soon be in my life; a life where I am no longer an unwanted guest or a wanderer. I don't mind knowing my life will change. I don't know how to be a father yet, and maybe I don't know how to be a good human being, but I will do all in my power to make sure those close to me and those under my protection will stay safe. I have a family now. I have a responsibility no longer directed at myself, but for others. I... do I have a h... I was too afraid to even finish the thought.

Kaoru smiled, and like a balm over a cracked and dry surface, my heart seemed just a little more lighter; just a little more alive and healed than it had a day ago. I watched as the breeze running through the small garden or cherry blossoms pick up her long, beautiful hair, loosening the blue ribbon holding it all together.

As I watched, she held out her hand to me, her smile never leaving her face. That face, that beautiful smile. I would die a thousand deaths to keep her smiling at me, just like that.

"I love you, Kenshin. I will always love you. I'm asking you to stay. Stay with me and Kenji and Yahiko, and all the problems that are going to happen and all the messes we'll all make. Stay with me, Kenshin. Stay with us."

With a trembling hand, I reached out to her.

She smiled, and this time tears glistened in her eyes. "Thank you." Her fingers closed over mine.

"... Welcome home, Kenshin."

* * *

There it is folks. The last and final installment. Thank you all for your support, despite this story not turning into what I was hoping. Feel free to read my other stories! I know I have at least three good stories that have over two hundred reviews, so I know I can't be that bad.

Everyone has been great, reviewing my story, telling me what you like, what you didn't like, what I could improve, what should stay the same. It really helps me become better, and despite what others say that you don't need reviews to continue a story, they're wrong. If I post a story and no one reviews it, what does that tell me? It tells me my stories are bad, and that I'm a bad writer. I cant write for the pleasure of it if no one takes pleasure in what I write. Simple as that. So thank you everyone who wrote to me, because I really appreciated it.

Until next time...

Luna


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